This is a pretty personal blog; I love sharing my families that I work with and am looking forward ( A LOT) to sharing my two newborn sessions next week. I had an enormous day yesterday and I really want to share it.
My son was finalized yesterday; he became officially, irrevocably ours. We have had him in our care since the first moment he came into this world; I want to take a minute and share pieces of the story of his birth because its beautiful and because now, it is our story forever as well.
We have an extremely open adoption; we are very close to our sons birth family. We didn't know them before we began this journey and when we met them, we loved them right away. I'm not going to share their details, because those belong to them. It's enough to say that they are both loving, strong and beautiful people and they made a huge sacrifice in order to do what they felt was best. We cannot ever express how we feel about them with words.
When our son came into the world it was fast and we were stunned; I cut his cord feeling like it wasn't even real. It felt like a crazy dream and when I held him I just could not believe my eyes or my arms. This little tiny human was here! IN my arms! Perfect and new! Then his birthfather came over to me and put his arms around us and whispered in my ear " you deserve this, you are going to be a great mother". This is a moment that transcends all moments of my life. I will tell my son about it when he is older and I will forever remember it. My son's birthfather's selflessness and open heart in that moment was truly exceptional.
We spent the night with our birth family, together just wondering at what had happened. It had been such a whirlwind of a birth, we all were just slightly shell shocked. It was a bubble, just the four of us knew he was here and we kept it that way until morning.
Our son was struggling to get amniotic fluid out of his lungs, so we spent the entire night holding him upright and just staring; caught between elation and terror. I cannot truly explain all the feelings of adoption to anyone who has not gone through it. Suffice to say, it is a maelstrom, it is everything. You feel as though your feelings are on the outside of you and at the same time completely filling you up to the very limit. Adoption is an act of love so great that it is almost impossible for your brain to process it. ( this is in our case, obviously all adoptions are different and ours was fortunately full of love)
Over the last 7 months our lives have changed in almost every way. Having a child, raising him the best we can knowing we are making mistakes but hoping they are small ones is a joy and a wonder to me. We have remained close with the birth family because we love them. They gave our child life and gave us parenthood. They are amazing humans who are working hard and making their lives into what they want them to be.
Yesterday afternoon, in a small courtroom in Boulder, we stood in front of a judge with family and friends at our backs and heard our son be officially sworn in as ours. My heart blew up.
He is a treasure to us, our family and friends who came to witness this huge moment are also a treasure to us. They stood up with us, in that moment full of all of our hope and fear; their presence was a comfort and a promise to our son.
We have had a long standing policy around showing images of my son's face on the internet and that isn't going to change but I sure am going to share some pictures of him here because he's our now and I truly do have love like an ocean in my soul.